Watching You Leave
by Becky Sky
Summary: Jay is leaving and it's hard not to doubt if he ever loved her at all... Prequel to A Christmas Gift. songfic and oneshot... please read and review!


Watching You Leave

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in CotT, or the song lyrics. Studio B. owns CotT. The song is "What Hurts the Most" by Rascal Flats.**

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me_

Theresa lay in bed, listening to the rain pounding gently on the roof of her apartment building. Tears trickled down her cheeks as she remembered Jay leaving her alone, as though they had never loved at all. Had it really only been four months ago when Jay had knocked on her door, rushing into the room, picking her up and twirling her around in excitement? She closed her eyes, remembering…

"What's the matter, Jay?" she asked, laughing. She herself had just gotten wonderful news. She couldn't wait to tell him.

"I've got a promotion! The company is sending me to New York!"

Theresa beamed. "I hope you have a wonderful visit," she said.

Jay's smile faded. "I mean to live, Theresa. I leave tomorrow."

Theresa froze. "You're not coming back?" she asked lamely. He shook his head. Theresa's head was spinning. "So this, is like good-by?" He shrugged uncomfortably.

"I guess." They just stood staring at each other for a moment. Theresa hung her head. She had to let him go. She wanted him to stay, but only if he wanted to. If she forced to stay with her, she wouldn't know if he really loved her. She stared at him, waiting for him to ask her to go with him. But he just smiled, kissed her cheek, and hurried out of the room, leaving Theresa to stare after him like a slack-jawed fool.

Theresa felt her heart break again as she relived the most horrid moment in her life. After three years of dating, he had just left her there to rot. She hadn't even been able to tell him that she was pregnant. A sob escaped her as she felt the baby give a hard, determined kick.

_What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

She wished that she could go back and change what she'd done, if only for the child she would now raise alone. She would have begged him to stay, or at least take him with her. She hadn't realized how much she needed him, and thought that she could make it alone.

She was wrong, but now she'd have to make it alone. Atlanta had called just yesterday, telling her that Jay had a new girlfriend, a brunette chick who relied on her looks and charm to get what she wanted. Atlanta didn't like her, and Theresa wished that she could be there to give that girl's butt a good kicking when she broke Jay's heart, like Theresa was sure she would.

The next day Theresa opened her door to find her five best friends and their spouses standing there, with gifts for the baby shower Theresa was holding. She smiled and invited them all in, feeling an odd jolt in her heart as she realized she was the only one who was all alone. She smiled sadly as she saw Archie and Atlanta cuddling together on Theresa's small couch, the very one she and Jay had always sat on together. Tears pricked her eyes, but she wiped them away angrily, trying not to show everyone else her pain. She hadn't invited Jay because she loved him too much to ruin his life with the extra burden of being a father to a child he couldn't raise. But it still hurt to think he had thrown her love away like a dirty towel, used and unwanted. She wondered if he didn't feel any sense of guilt at all. She thought it was unfair. She was the only one obviously suffering from their break-up, as he had quickly found someone else.

But maybe it was her fault. It wasn't like she had told him she ever loved him, and wanted him to stay. It wasn't like she had ever truly confessed her feelings, showing him the ring she had bought. But he had never done any of that either. So maybe they were both at fault.

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken  
_

Theresa suddenly noticed that Atlanta was staring at her worriedly. She got up off the couch and made her way over to Theresa, pulling on her friend's arm. "Excuse us for a moment," she said to their friends, who all nodded agreeably and went back to their lively chatter. Only Archie looked curious, watching his girlfriend as she and Theresa talked in hushed tones. Then he was preoccupied as Herry asked him if he wanted any sandwiches, because they were so good they were almost gone. Herry was the type of guy who was so sweet he wanted everyone to have at least a taste of each kind of food before he ate it all, and it was no different in this case.

"Theresa, what's the matter?" Atlanta asked softly.

"It's Jay," Theresa said brokenly. Atlanta's expression hardened.

"You're still upset about what he did to you?" she asked softly. Theresa nodded.

Atlanta wanted to cry from seeing her friend in so much heartbreak. "I'd kick his butt, but you probably wouldn't want to do that," she said, smiling. Theresa grinned through watery eyes and nodded.

"How about we go, enjoy the party, and let Jay be Jay. If he really loves you, and you really love him, you two will find your way back to each other one day. I guarantee it."

She linked her arm with Theresa's, and the two marched back to join the group of guests. Theresa forced a smile, but her mind and heart were still sad and torn, knowing that it was too late to undo the damage she had done in keeping her feelings too close and locked up.

_What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

Five months later, Theresa woke up gasping in pain. The baby was coming! She tried to scramble out of bed, but found herself in too much pain to move. She fumbled for the bedside phone, calling 911 as quickly as she could.

At the hospital, Theresa woke up to see Atlanta and Archie standing over her. They were smiling, and Atlanta held a tiny bundle in her arms. "They did a C-section," Atlanta explained as Theresa glanced around with a puzzled look on her face. Realization dawned, and she reached out to take her child from Atlanta's arms.

"It's a boy," Atlanta announced as Theresa gazed down at the bundle in her arms in wonder and delight. She smiled and looked up at them, grateful to have two such great friends so near at this time.

He began to bawl, and Theresa realized that it was time for her to nurse him. She shooed them out, and they grinned and left, leaving the mother and son alone to rest.

"What are you going to name him?" asked Atlanta a few hours later. Theresa had already thought about it and had decided upon a name.

"How about Tyler?" she asked. Archie nodded thoughtfully.

"That's a good, strong name," he said approvingly. He looked down at the boy's face. "Considering who his mother is, it suits him."

Theresa grinned. Then she reluctantly gave Tyler to the nurse who had come to take him so she could rest for a few hours alone.

As Theresa lay back on her hospital bed, she thought of her newborn son. He looked so much like Jay. She wished he were here to hold Tyler in his arms, and comprehend how much he had left behind. And decide to stay.

_What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

But tonight wasn't time for dwelling on broken dreams. It was time to focus on her future, and on raising Tyler as best she could. She imagined her sweet little boy asleep in the hospital crib, and felt her heart melt. Just one more person who had stolen her heart, but at least he couldn't break it.

She tried to forget about Jay, but she couldn't. His face was everywhere she went. Memories of them together, dancing, laughing, singing, and talking with friends.

_Not seeing that loving you  
That's what I was trying to do_

Suddenly Theresa knew, deep down in her heart, that one day, she and Jay might be together again. She would be able to right her mistake, and maybe forgive him for leaving her. But if it never happened, at least she'd have Tyler, to cherish and protect, and remind her that, at least for awhile, Jay might have truly loved her.

Sixteen years later, Jay was walking along behind his little daughter, Miranda, as he was finishing his Christmas shopping…

**A/n: This is a prequel to my other story "A Christmas Gift". I hope you like it. Please read and review! **


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